He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
