My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
