I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
