Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
