After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
