Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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