well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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