I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
