Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
