Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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