You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
