yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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