I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
