I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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