I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
