I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
