So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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