i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
