that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's shark week go big or go home
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
