My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
