So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
