i don't like sucking hair
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
