Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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