i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
