I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I think my moral compass just broke
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
