ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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