I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
