We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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