If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
