I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
