dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
