Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
