Pants 0. Shit 1.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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