The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
