So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
