Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
