Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Your shirt... Was in my pants
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
