and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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