Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
