so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
