Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
