I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
