I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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