I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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