There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
