maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
