i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
