yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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