New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
