are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
