Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
