dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
